Nærværsmennesket

Jeg spår facebooks død – jeg spår netværksmenneskets endeligt. Vi hyper omkring sociale medier og overser signalerne i den kommende voksengeneration. Det skal hertil siges at jeg alene dømmer det udfra min egen børnefloks adfærd – de er henholdsvis 18, 12 og 10 år. Ingen af dem bruger facebook særligt meget – de har været der, de kan ikke se værdi. De er trætte af den evige distancerede tilstedeværelse, de er strætte af at alle deres relationer profitoptimeres – de gider ikke tankegangen om at alt skal tilføje værdi eller alt skal optimere.

Og et eller andet sted er det en forunderlig altmodish liniær tankegang der ligger som grunddogme for netværkstanken. Fundamentalt taler vi stadig om at maximere – at øge – at vækste – om det er relationer, vores egen me-værdi eller vores tilstedeværelse online. Men hvem siger at væksttankegangen er en bæredygtig strategi. Hvad hvis den nye generation for en gang skyld ser rigtigt – født ind i en overflod – begynder de endeligt at reducere. De vil ikke flere medier, de vil ikke flere opkoblinger – de vil kun have venner de reelt har mødt og reelt kan lide. De vil nærværet fordi de er vokset op med distancen og den konstante online præsens imponerer dem ikke – tværtimod.

Nærværsmenneskets måler værdi i tid, i kvalitative relationer og i ægthed. Jo mere tid du bruger med mig, jo højere værdsætter jeg dig. Jo længere tid du tager om at svare, jo mere har du tænkt dig om. Min datter er træt at de evige bips på mobilen, mine sønner bruger ikke facebook. De er kun 10 og 12 og de er ikke imponeret og jo, alle deres venner er derinde, men de bruger det heller ikke. Facebook holdes i live af netværksmennesket højtideligt tro på egen vigtighed – på jagten efter merværdi i relationen. Og så er det her jeg må sige jeg selv har +700 venner og er derinde hver dag – for ganske vist er jeg ikke netværksmenneskegenerationen  – men jeg vil så gerne. Men en dag tør jeg måske være så modige som min 10 og 12 årige børn og sige: “jeg bruger det jo ikke rigtig til noget”.

Dear birthmother, father (and family).

No matter how strange this must seem to you, I have now in the age of 36 an urgent wish for seeking my birth family. I don’t know why it came to me in this age, but I guess life had to mature me, before I found the nerve to seek for you.

What do I hope for? Well, basically a knowledge of whom I stem from. A knowledge of why I ended up in this country called Denmark and what kind of roots, I have passed on to my children. Yes birthmother or father, there are children and they are the indirect reason for me writing this letter. Having a father that gives them history and ancestors – I myself is a white piece of paper, hoping you might be one of the first to write the signs of my origin upon it.

To have a family history is one of the few heritages most children are given by birth. A gift you pass on to your children and to me too – I cannot hold that treasure in my hand. Problem is, I do not recall it, I do not know how to tell it. Therefore I need your help birthmother or father – your help to find my heritage, so I can pass it on to my children.

What have you already given me? Besides from life, I can tell you I have developed into being a rather small woman with a feisty will and a good brain. I finished two master degrees in 1998. One in Media studies from New York, USA and one in Literature from University of Copenhagen, Denmark. Being skilled, I have worked within communications ever since, and started several independent projects. It is still a struggle to find my focus on the working part, but very rewarding.

Having said this, my life included a lost marriage to the children’s father. We divorced in year 2000, but I am now living together with another man, whom I love and is very sweet to the children and have a daughter of his own.

The children yes – I have a daughter, Elisabeth born in 1992. She is tall, slim, smart and beautiful. You can be very proud of her. She will grow into a very special and very bright person with her sweet nature and delicate look. My son, Samuel is a funny, strong headed boy born 1999 with significant ears. He has a great sense of humour, is a dazzling handsome young boy with a temper and will of his own. He has potential to become either very stubborn or very individualistic. Likely, he will grow into both, I guess.

They are until now my heritage. They are, even though they are much younger than me, all I have in my life indicating, I have a family, and that I too look like somebody and are born of some bodies loins. But it is not fair to put such a responsibility upon my own children. Therefore I have taken faith into my own hands and wandered out in the world to search for you.

Where are you now? I do not know. I don’t even know if you want to remember me. All I know is that I’m standing here with my two short legs solid planted on the ground . I’m happy and alive – but I do miss you.

If you don’t want to meet, if I never ever find you, please hear my voice saying: thank you for life – but you are missed.